Last weekend I had the pleasure of going to the bachelor party for my good friend David. As is tradition among my group of friends (and among many people in America), the bachelor party was held in Las Vegas. There were a few reasons that this trip was special. First, there are very few single guys left in my group of friends, so this was likely the last Vegas bachelor party for a while. Second, David has been one of my best friends since 1995 when we met in law school, so it means a lot to be able to celebrate with him. And finally, since I now live in Cayman, it is a rare and special occurrence for me to see my friends, and it’s a rare and special occurrence for me to get to leave the island (and I do get island fever if I don’t get off the island enough). So understandably, I was very excited for this bachelor party!
Of course, there were a few factors that made Las Vegas a less than ideal location for a bachelor party when you work as a scuba instructor in the Cayman Islands. For me, the biggest negative factor was travel.
Travel details caused me problems from the very beginning. I tried to book my flights to Vegas during the summer, thinking I would get good fares by booking early. I was disappointed to find that the cheapest flights were over $800, and involved a 23 hour return flight. Back when I was a lawyer, $800 wouldn’t have been an issue, but as a scuba instructor it is two weeks’ pay. And when that is the first expense you face and you know there are many more down the line, it becomes tough to commit to such an expenditure. I waited to book, hoping the prices would drop, only to see them continue to inch higher. I talked to my friend Sandra, who is a travel agent on the island, hoping she could find me a better deal. She couldn’t. Unwilling to buy an $800 ticket, I continued to wait, fearing that I might not be able to go if prices didn’t drop. Luckily, in August, I logged on to Expedia one morning and found a flight for just under $500, round trip. It’s not the $300 round trip that you can get from New York, but at this point it looked like the deal of the year for me. I booked my flights immediately.
I was scheduled to leave on Thursday, and was happy to get to sleep in that morning. My flight departed at 2pm, which meant I had to get to the airport at noon. When I arrived at the airport, check-in went smoothly and I boarded my plane. I was flying US Air from Grand Cayman to Charlotte, NC. One of the great things about the airport in Grand Cayman is that it is tiny: One runway, a maximum of four planes on the ground at any time, and no waiting once the plane is ready to leave. The plane took off on time, and I was on my way!
My first surprise of the trip came at 30,000 feet. I realized that I was flying with a group of cheap, sleazy whores. No, not the passengers on the plane — US Air. They are disgusting sell-outs! The biggest shock came when they announced that beverage service was beginning, and that there was a $2 charge for soda and bottled water (and an even higher charge for alcohol, which is to be expected). I haven’t travelled much since the economy went into the crapper, and this was my first time experiencing these increased “hidden costs” that now dominate air travel (I did not check a bag, so I avoided any checked bag fee that they now have). To me, charging for a beverage on a flight is outrageous. I know the airlines have costs to cover, but I am already paying for those costs in my over-priced ticket. I would like to think that a dollar out of my $500 ticket might be going towards giving me something to drink on the flight. I guess not. Cheap bastards.
On principle, I was not going to buy a $2 soda when I should be getting one for free, so I resigned myself to enduring the two hour flight to Charlotte without a drink, and I took out my ipod to watch a movie. As I lowered my tray table to set my ipod upon, I witnessed the next step in US Air’s walk of shame — the entire face of the tray table was now an ad for Verizon. I guess it’s a clever way to bring in some advertising revenue, but still, it’s a bit whoreish. As I thought about it, I was surprised that they hadn’t put up advertisements along the inside of the plane similar to what they do in subway cars. At this point US Air wouldn’t be sinking much lower if they plastered the inside of their plane with that ridiculous ad from Doctor Zizmor that you see all over the New York subways.
Disgusted and feeling dirty for giving US Air my money, I turned on my ipod to watch a movie. It was a short flight, and after an hour I was interrupted by an announcement from the stewardess. Assuming it was information about our descent, I stopped the movie and took off my headphones to listen. I wish I could say I was surprised, but at this point it struck me as par for the course to hear the stewardess spend ten minutes (literally!) pitching a US Airways Visa card from Bank of America. For the low annual fee of $99, I would get 25,000 bonus miles with my first purchase, plus two free companion tickets to use any time (after reading the fine print, I saw this was a lie and the companion tickets were $99). Now, if you’re into airline miles, this isn’t really a bad deal. 25,000 miles gets you a free domestic ticket (although finding available seats that can be bought with miles is next to impossible), so for $99 that’s not a horrible deal. But I was so disgusted with US Air and how they were prostituting themselves and their customers at every turn that there was no way I could partake in this deal (the fact that a domestic ticket doesn’t do much for me now that I live in Cayman made the choice even easier).
Often times after flying I’ll feel like I could use a shower, just from sitting in tight quarters with strangers for a few hours. As the plane landed safely in Charlotte, I desperately wanted a shower, this time because I felt dirty from having associated with US Air, the whore of the friendly skies.
For all the negatives I have to say about US Air, I have nothing but good things to say about the Charlotte airport. It was FANTASTIC!!! Right from the start, everything about it was good. There were no lines at customs, and the customs officers were friendly and efficient. The airport itself is well designed, everyone is friendly and helpful, and they have some great stores, restaurants and fast food options. I had two hours to kill during my layover, and it was easy to pass the time wandering through the Charlotte airport.
My flight from Charlotte to Las Vegas began boarding on time, two hours after I arrived in Charlotte, and other than having to deal with the cheap-ass US Air folks for another flight, I figured that it was smooth sailing from that point on. I continued to think that, until I heard the “ding” sound of someone paging the stewardess. And then I heard it again. And again. And again. I noticed that the call light for the stewardess was flashing in the row right in front of me every time I heard the “ding” noise. The problem was no one was pushing the call stewardess button. It was malfunctioning, and dinging on its own. During the remaining 20 minutes of boarding, I noticed this problem and started to grow annoyed by the noise. I was not the only one to notice it, as the stewardesses were soon over examining the button. I had resigned myself to hearing that noise throughout the flight (or at least until we took off and I could turn on my ipod), but apparently the stewardesses were not of the same mind. After the flight was fully boarded (and our scheduled take-off time had already passed), two maintenance workers boarded the plane to fix the malfunctioning call button. After ten minutes of examination, they decided they needed to take apart the entire console, and informed the crew it would take over an hour to fix. Groans filled the plane as the captain announced the delay and informed people that they could exit the plane for an hour if they wished. Of course, this meant that even after the problem was fixed, everyone would have to re-board the plane before it could leave. Wonderful.
An hour and a half later (over two hours after the scheduled departure time), my flight was in the air, and I was again being shilled a US Air/Bank of America credit card, again being charged for beverages that should really be free.
I arrived in Vegas at 11pm Vegas time, 1am Cayman time, about 15 hours after I left my house to head for the airport. I was exhausted. I picked up my rental car and drove to the Paris, where I was sharing a room with my friend Craig. He had arrived in Vegas earlier in the day on Thursday, and spent the evening with the other early arrivers. They had gone out to dinner, and while the rest of the group returned to their rooms at the Mandalay Bay to party, Craig headed back to the Paris to get to bed. I spoke to him when my plane landed at 11, telling him I was on my way to the room. By the time I arrived, he was already in bed sleeping, and I had to knock on the door and wake him to get in the room. I was greeted by Craig with words of wisdom: ”We’re getting too old for this shit.” As I stumbled into the room weary from my day of travel, I couldn’t help but agree. I took a quick shower, and passed out almost immediately upon getting into bed.
To be continued….
To read Part 2, Click Here